Never Sacrifice Your Own Happiness

I may believe in second chances, I do believe that people can change if they really want to, I believe in finding the good in people, but I DO NOT believe in settling for anything less than you deserve. Settling is something that is often overlooked. Sometimes you don't even realize you're settling until you are absolutely miserable, but it's never too late. In relationships, when the other person is not holding up their end, or putting in effort, or even treating you like a decent human being, you're settling.

I'm not saying your boyfriend or girlfriend has to jump through flaming hoops for you, but I am saying that they should give just as much effort and try to make you happy on the regular. If someone claims to love you, they won't be letting you down on a daily basis. Sometimes you won't even realize it, or you'll brush it aside, or try to make the best of it, but you should NEVER EVER have to brush your feelings or your needs aside. It's okay to be a little selfish when it comes to your heart. If someone is really not making you happy anymore, and definitely not putting in the effort, it's time to leave. Nothing good will come of settling for less than decent. Never sacrifice your own happiness.

I'm speaking from both personal experience and what I've learned. I've been through being unhappy first hand, I tried to make the best of it, I tried to fix things, I tried to pretend I was happy. But I wasn't. I was miserable, it was turning me into someone I really wasn't. My relationship needed to end once and for all. That's the cold truth you have to come to terms with. It sucks at first, but once you find your own happy again, and feel that natural smile come over your face, it's amazing. It really is.

I loved him. He told me he loved me. But I don't think he knows what the truth definition of love is, at least to me. To me, love is happiness. Love is finding someone that makes you feel something you never have before, makes you want to do everything you can for that person, share memories with, spend time with, share thoughts and concerns with, have traditions with. Love is a feeling that cannot be forced, but is a word that can be thrown around.

You can't fix someone who does not want to be fixed. You cannot change someone who does not want to change. No matter what you say or do, neither of those things can be successfully accomplished. This is my problem, I always want to fix the broken, help the bad habits. I finally realized that I can only do this for myself. I can only fix me, I can only change myself, I couldn't fix him, I couldn't change him. When things got worse, I finally realized it. I realized he will never change, no matter what he says, and I couldn't be with someone like this anymore. It drained me and stole my happy. I needed out, and that was the best decision I've ever made. Don't try to fix someone. Let them fix themselves.

Once you realize that someone is not right for you, no matter how long you've been with them, no matter how much you love them, no matter how many memories you have with them, it's time to let go. There's this quote I found and I thoroughly agree with it...

"'How do you know when it's over?'

'When you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing in front of you'"

I could not agree more. I seriously love this. It was so true for me, I was in love with what was, not with was is. (or should I say, 'what was'?). Regardless, once I realized all of this, it was all over. There was no saving anything, no trying to fix anything, nothing left to salvage. Honestly, I'm okay with it. 

How?! Why?! Some may ask...to me it's simple... I know I deserve better. I know I deserve more. I know I deserve to be happy, not to be bent and broken and torn apart. I'm not going to settle. No matter what. I'm too young to be in a shitty relationship. Mediocrity is an epidemic. I will not succumb to a mediocre relationship for the rest of my life. Sure, I poured my heart and soul into that relationship, but it wasn't worth it. I'm not afraid to be alone, I'm not afraid to be single. I'm okay with hanging out with friends and sleeping alone at night. I don't depend on goodnight and good morning text messages. I don't need to text and talk to someone almost all day every day. I'm my own person. Instead, I'm going to focus on me, myself and I. I'm going to invest my time into school, work, and my body. If someone else comes along and things work out, that's great, but I'm not looking. I'm about me. I'm about having fun. I'm not going to give my all to someone who gives nothing in return.

And I have no angst, anger, or bitterness towards my ex. I just hope he finds happiness and peace within himself. Nothing more, nothing less. What's done is done. No use in holding anything against him. Let go. Let it all go. Don't hold on to grudges, you'll only make yourself more angry. I will be someone's perfect girlfriend one day, and they will recognize and appreciate it more than I could ever imagine.

I'm 22, most of my followers range from 15-20something. Whatever age range you're in, realize this: YOU'RE YOUNG AND PROBABLY AREN'T GOING TO MARRY THE NEXT GUY YOU DATE. (or the guy that you're dating, just saying) Things aren't the same anymore, people don't get married and have a family by 23, jeez if that was the truth, I'd be screwed. But live it up, however old you are. Have fun, enjoy yourself and your happiness. Don't be miserable and a psycho in some shitty relationship.

You may say you're over him/her but only you can really know. You'll know you're over them when you don't feel the need to bring them up, when you don't need to bitch about how much they suck, when things don't remind you of them. When they're finally out of your mind. When you're finally at peace with what was, and looking forward to what is and what will be. Leave your relationship and it's issues in the past, move forward, don't dwell.

And for Heaven's sake...stop going back to the toxicity! 

xoxo