I am an Unintentional Heart Breaker.

I break hearts. But not on purpose.

I am a very social person, some may call it flirty, I disagree. I'm social. I'm not afraid to strike up a conversation, share my opinions, ask someone how their day is going. It does not matter who, it could be my best friend, someone in my class, a customer at work, whoever. When I'm approached by someone, of course I'm going to hold a conversation, being short would be rude (in my opinion). I don't see a problem in creating friendships with people I meet. 

The problem is that some people, men to be specific, take my friendliness as genuine romantic interest. Since when is having friendly conversation romance? I've had guys express their interest in me, compliment me, the whole nine yards, but I could not see past the 'friendship'. Personally, I cannot make myself like someone. I can't pretend to be interested in someone just because they are interested in me. I believe in an initial spark, which I've felt before so I know it exists, when starting a relationship. 

I feel bad, ultimately telling guys I'm not interested in anything beyond a friendship. I've been specifically told "Well you just broke my heart", but I don't INTEND to. I'm not trying to flaunt that I have guys falling all over me, because I don't, but then ones I have had develop feelings for me and I haven't felt the same, has left things feeling a little awkward upon seeing or talking to them again. I'm not trying to sound stuck up by any means, I really enjoy friendships and of course I want a relationship but I don't want to force one. The term "friendzone" is so annoying to me because, YES I'm going to remain ONLY friends with you if I don't see you as anything more than a friend. I'm not going to pretend I have feelings and like a friend back. The term "friendzone" always has a negative connotation of the one who doesn't have feelings. BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE FEELINGS UP. I'm not going to pretend to like someone, start dating, and be miserable. No thank you. That's not fair to either person. 

So, I break hearts on accident. Not to the point where these guys spiral into depression but just enough for them to feel disappointed, I don't know if it's disappointment in me or what. But it kind of sucks. I don't lead anyone on, I'm always honest from the beginning, but feelings develop and I have to let them down as easy as I can. If you don't know already, I just went through a tough breakup a couple months ago. It was pretty messy and right now I just want to focus on myself, my job, my schoolwork, and me. It's okay to be a little selfish. I've learned a lot and I need a break from relationships, I am not a serial dater. I heal on my own and I don't try to date other people to heal myself. (hint hint, next post)

I'm not ready for a relationship, and if you aren't either, you shouldn't feel like you have to be in one just because someone likes you or because you're trying to get over someone else. So with all of that being said, I'm not anti-relationships by any means. But I thoroughly believe time to one's self after a breakup or life changing event is necessary. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship right now and that is 100% okay with me. I'll be in another relationship again eventually, and I know it will be great, but for now, I'm alone and I'm totally okay with that. I love myself through and through, I'm healing day by day, and soon enough I will love another the way I love myself. 

Update On My Ever-So-Interesting Life, Thankfulness, & Holiday Singleness

Happy November!
I personally cannot wait until Thanksgiving, because family and food are two of my favorite things. With Thanksgiving, comes being 'thankful' for what you have. I think this is an aspect of the Holidays A LOT of people tend to forget, even myself. So I'm going to take the time to remind myself  (and all of you) to be thankful for where you are in life, right now.

For starters, Holidays can be either SUPER cheerful or SUPER depressing. Some feel that if they do not have a significant other, that the holidays are not complete. I've been there, having thoughts that spending the holidays with someone would be so much 'better' than being alone. But is it really better? You still have your friends and family, that alone is worth celebrating. No, it's not someone to kiss underneath the mistletoe, but that is what your pet is for :) You may not have someone to spoil you, buy you jewelry, nice things, and take cute pictures with, but IT'S OKAY. It's not a bad thing to be single during the holidays. For starters, let's remind ourselves how much money we'll be saving (or spending on ourselves instead). I know when I'm in a relationship, I somehow manage to spend hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars on my significant other during the holidays. This year, I've decided to save, volunteer, and spend more time with my family and friends.

Some people have taken my "it's okay to be single" tweets as "being in a relationship is stupid and sucks". Let me clear the air, I never said that. Relationships with the RIGHT person are wonderful, fulfilling, and can change your life. Being single and waiting for the right person is okay too, and that's all I'm really saying. So please STOP putting words into my mouth, if you're happy in your healthy relationship, I'm happy for you! More power to you, you deserve it.

Back to being thankful, I am thankful for what life has taught me. I am forever thankful for life being a twisting, turning, long, and tough path. The lessons I have learned in the past year have been extremely tough on my ego, heart, and mental state, but I'm stronger than ever. I'm thankful for my family, each of my siblings, my awesome parents, and my cute little pup (who is not a pup anymore). I am thankful for my friends who continue to make me laugh until I cry, have slumber parties (Yeah, I'm 22, SO WHAT?!), listen when I need it, and drunkenly dance with me. I am thankful for my college education, I graduate in December! YESSSS! I am thankful for my job(s) and my upcoming opportunities. I am thankful for the tough decisions I have to make in the next few months because at least I have different paths and opportunities to take. I am thankful for every heartbreak I've ever had, because instead of damaging my heart, they've made me stronger and smarter. I am thankful for each and every one of my twitter followers. Even though you may not know what I look like, my first name, or anything else, you still make my day and I seriously enjoy interacting with you. I'm thankful for my motivation to kick my own ass at the gym on pretty much a day-to-day basis. I am thankful to be healthy, alive, and most importantly, happy. I don't worry as much, I look at life as one big opportunity, I don't mope, I'm always smiling. The best part? I've done all of that by myself. Make yourself happy, it's a great start at overall happiness.

Back to a little more update on my life, this semester is wrapping up, and I'm graduating in December! It's been a LONG journey of college credits and terrible professors, but it's all going to be so worth it when I 'Terio' (Oooh Kill 'Em) with my Bachelor's degree. Although I'm not quite sure what I want to do exactly, I'll figure it out! I'm ready to travel the world, live a little before I have to work for the rest of my life. I'm actually looking into being an Au Pair for a family in Europe for a handful of months! So I'm trying to figure out the details of that, and I just picked up a second part-time job because I'm money hungry and have student loans to pay. (I hate you, Sallie Mae). I'm going to Nashville soon and I'm really really really excited, I've never been so it will be a new experience for me. I'm also thankful to be able to travel, especially with my friends. (Time for shots!)

I've really been doing 'me' lately. Not getting caught up in the dating scene, working on myself, bettering myself, and being more independent. I'm really doing my best to set myself up for success. I'm not worried about finding 'the one' tomorrow, I'm not even worried about finding him in the next few years, if it happens, it happens. I'm not going to worry about it. Meanwhile, I'll be doing me, living life to the fullest, and experiencing all I can while I'm still young. I suggest you do the same!

xoxo